So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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