He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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