You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
