Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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