just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
