Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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