A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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