I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
