Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
