Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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