come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
