he told me I talked like a deaf person
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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