Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
