I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
