Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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