New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
