The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize