Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
