Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
