u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
