So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
