I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
