she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
