One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize