meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
