He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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