Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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