If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
