he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
