Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
