Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize