I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize