Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
