Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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