marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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