"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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