ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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