he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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