I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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