She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
