i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
