You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
