i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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