Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
