So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
