The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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