You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
