I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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