everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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