yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
