Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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