please come you make the beer taste better
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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