nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
