a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
