I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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