U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Drake has all the answers
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
