Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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