she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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