I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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