He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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