I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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