i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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