he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
