I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
