if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
