I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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