is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
