he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize