i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
