All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
