It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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