dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
